many waters

Despite what you think
We are NOT the helpless kids
You think you're saving...

Jealous over my dark skin
Imitation tan
Dark or light, I always lose

Americanization
Loosing my culture
Was easier than I thought

Trying to climb the ladder
Rungs so slippery
Back to the bottom I go

Can we please just try
To break the institution
That's bringing us down?

More Haikus

Single flower in the dirt
Reaching for the sun
Trampled on by passerbys

Looking for a place to go
Mend the broken peace
Who said silence is golden?

Confusion reigns in my mind
When did this happen?
We're headed down the wrong path

Let's pretend we're together
Walking hand in hand
Waking up is such a drag

Emotions running rampant
I'm not good enough
Let's talk about something else

WHY!??

ugh.

why can't circumstances be different.
why can't I feel like what I'm feeling is okay??
is it really that bad?
is it worth me over analyzing (yet again) the situation?
it should be simple.

I like you.

there, I said it.
funny how things never go the way I think they will

More Haikus

Here are 3 more for the book

Let's talk about plates
And all our misplaced anger
Let's cut up some spoons

My one year is here
I wonder where the time went
Will I last for more?

Supply room cleaning
We keep going back to this
Let's just lock the doors

25 Things to do before I turn 25

Here's my list for the 365 days before I turn 25. I'll be happy if I get to half of these!

25 Things to do before I turn 25

1. Go back to NYC to see if my feelings changed for the city since I last went there (when I was 16)
2. Finally learn how to knit
3. Re-read The Grapes of Wrath
4. Go to 2 Broadway shows (1 in SF, 1 in NYC)
5. Publish (or print and bind) a copy of my Book of Haikus entitled SLI
6. Distribute said haiku book to local coffee shops
7. Create a scrapbook of my life since I’ve turned 20
8. Go skydiving (again!)
9. Read one of my poems at an open-mic
10. Go to 3 sporting events
11. Go camping at Big Basin for a weekend
12. Go white water rafting
13. Choose (& apply!) to a graduate school
14. Take hula dance/Polynesian dance classes
15. Act in another play
16. Learn how to silk screen clothing
17. Create a clothing/t-shirt line
18. I will NOT cut my hair for a year
19. Learn how to cook 3 new Filipino dishes
20. Learn how to use Photoshop
21. Go on a hot air balloon ride around Napa Valley
22. Go wine tasting
23. Take an art class at a junior college
24. Go to a large outside concert
25. Conquer my fear of spiders (ambitious!)

My Latest Endeavor

I've decided to keep a compilation of haiku and other random poetry I come up with and put it in a book simply entitled "SLI"

First installation:

Lovely flowers bloom
Is it still not the right time?
April showers still

Forty minutes left
We're still at the first topic
invalidated

Clashing heads explode
This is just not the right time
She will always win

Many heads in room
Too much deliberation
Not enough action

Listing off some random facts
Makes them feel better
This is not reassuring

Nobody gets along here
Everyone's fake smiles
Why can't we all be real?

You have a beautiful voice
It can move mountains
Your crisp words flow through the breeze

Gloomy day it's raining tears
Where did your smile go?
Lonely worm crawling back home

Met your intense gaze last night
Eyes bright, strong pose- clear
Cutting through the crowd's open soul

A beautiful disaster
Are you really here?
Wrapped in shrouds of mystery

A poem for Andrea

You rock my world
Hearing your voice echo through the thick crowd
I hear only your true soul
speaking to me
My broken wings mended
Open wounds draped with
loving tenderness
Your soft words speak of truths most people don't want to hear
But you deliver it with such intention
I can't help but listen
absorb all your memories, passions, hurts, loss
lonely nights sitting in your room
writing lyrics to this ever present song we all dance to

When I first saw you
I felt so giddy
Like a little school girl with her first crush
I wanted to know everything about you
Wanted to reach out and touch you
because for a moment, I felt we were connected
Your stories echoed through me as if I
were there when you first put pen to paper
and decided that you're telling this story
about a little girl who wanted to see heaven
Or a little boy who wanted to escape the pain
of war and return home
Or of a mother swollen shut from her grief of having lost a son to a war painted by politicians.

Your words are beautiful
Telling the story for those who can't tell their own
You were my escape, my saving grace
Through turbulent times I would remember your words
echoing through the distance
Lost love letters to a person I once was
Reminding me of moments once cherished
Times once happy and memories yet to be made
You helped me come out
of the tight gripping closet I placed myself into
because I thought people wouldn't love me
because I'm not gay enough, straight enough, small enough, fat enough, smart enough
enough
Enough with the bullshit, you are straight to the point
You placed your words on my shoulder that night I first saw you
and saved me
Your fire ignited my soul again
Tonight I told you to never stop what you're doing
And I mean it
for all of us who can't/wont/dont say what we want to say
You're there,
Like Isis with her wings spread wide
You are a symbol of hope for many